Dorian Gray

While on holiday recently we watched a classic movie: Oscar Wilde’s “The Picture of Dorian Gray”. It is the haunting story of a man whose portrait changed, reflecting his soul, while he remained young. As he delved more and more into wickedness, so his portrait became more and more grotesque, revealing his true nature.

I have written about this before, but the movie made me think of it and I thought it worth re-iterating; So often we look at a person’s outward appearance and judge their state of health by what we see. Yet God might see a completely different picture. We might see a handsome, athletic young executive, whereas God might see a wretched man crippled with uncontrollable lusts and dark messages of failure from an abusive childhood.

I remember, at a healing workshop many years ago, we were asked to draw what immediately came to mind when we asked God who we were. I was having marital problems at the time.  An image of a bleeding heart flashed into my mind for a millisecond. I immediately dismissed it, as I felt strong and capable of handling my problems. I drew something else.

That evening during a ministry time, I started sobbing uncontrollably. God did not see a strong man, though those around me might have; He saw a bleeding heart, and during that session, did a mighty healing work as I was forced to see myself as He saw me and call out to Him.

We might not see a healing work of God, especially if we focus on the physical. Yet He could be healing in a powerful way that is more long-lasting — in fact, eternally so. Not that we do not expect Him to heal physically, but even with that, if it remains just that and does not draw us closer to Him in the process, it is a lesser healing than an internal one. As in The Picture of Dorian Grey, the portrait of our soul would remain as marred as before. It is that that He wants to touch above all else.

Lessons from my Brother-in-law

 

I have just been on an urgent visit to Zimbabwe to care for my dying brother-in-law. He is well into his eighties and has had heart problems for many years. While I was there, he received emails from at least 400 people, mainly ex-pupils expressing their admiration of him and how influential he had been in shaping their lives and futures. He was a teacher of considerable standing and, in fact, taught me, which is how he was introduced to my sister!

The reason for his considerable success was because he related so well with his pupils. I recall spending hours after school discussing with him all the philosophical questions that pubescent boys grapple with about the meaning of life. I also climbed Kilimanjaro with him and others. In his style it was all about relationships and his popularity shows that in this He got it right. God designed us primarily for relationships; firstly with Him and then with those He puts in our lives. When we apply this to healing, it makes a lot more sense in His dealing with us sometimes. The most important area to which He wants to apply healing is our relationships. What is more, we cannot separate that from physical healing. Often they are more closely linked than we imagine. Psalm 32 talks about how David’s bones wasted away when he kept silent about his sin and in Proverbs we read about how envy rots the bones. Medical research is confirming the negative effect on health of emotional malaise which is often the result of relational problems. Jesus, in talking about effective prayer stresses often the need for us to forgive.

It is great to be healed physically by Jesus, but the greatest gift of all is when this results in lifelong gratitude to God and a deeper relationship with Him. I’m sure this was why He told the one leper that ran back and fell at His feet when he found himself cured, that he had been healed. The other nine had been cured of their leprosy, but not healed the best way God sees healing in that it did not affect their relationship with Him.

Any comments?

Years and seasons

Those of you who have read my book will know that I love to write to the Lord. I thought that I would share what I wrote today at the beginning of the new year.

“I do not suppose that You are governed by calendars, Lord. You seem to work more in seasons. I confess that I have had a long winter, yet I have to believe that You have been at work in me. As invisible things happen deep in the recesses of the frozen earth; in the hibernating bodies of slow-pulsed, sleeping animals; in the bare-branched naked trees, to prepare them with the resources they will need for all the activity of the approaching summer, so You are preparing me for the work You have for me. I cannot see it but I must believe that You are doing it, for Your Word tells me that it is happening – that all things are working together for the good of those who love You and are called according to Your purpose.”

Ps 18:35 “You stoop down to make me great.” You meet me where I am, my God, which I so appreciate, for so often I cannot soar to You.

If you, too, have had a long winter, may you also know that God is at work in you, often as invisibly as in the apparently dormant trees and hibernating animals, preparing and equipping you for the summer ahead. May the sun break out in warmth and light and glory for you in 2013.

2012 in review

Hi Everyone

Since this is my first year of blogging, I was really interested in this annual report. Thank you so much for all those who visited my site. It has been an exciting adventure launching God in the ICU and I have been so gratified by the responses that I have had from those who have read it. Judging from the almost universal comment, it is a difficult book to put down once you start it. It seems it has also been a great encouragement to many people, not just in the fact that God cares enough to be involved, but in that we can be real with Him and question Him in difficult situations. He doesn’t mind. In fact, I suspect He loves it!

Now we start with a new year and all the Lord has in store for us. I am hoping to learn more blogging skills to improve this site.

To you all, may 2013 prove to be a year of breakthrough, new beginnings, added blessings and above all a deeper intimacy with the God whose coming to be with us we have just celebrated.

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The new Boeing 787 Dreamliner can carry about 250 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,100 times in 2012. If it were a Dreamliner, it would take about 4 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

The Healing Message of Christmas

When I was a Consultant at Grey’s Hospital one of the theatre sisters became pregnant. She was so excited. She had been married for some years and this baby was what they had been longing for. Then at her routine checkup two weeks before the due date no fetal heart could be heard. An ultrasound confirmed the worst. Her baby had died. I gave her an epidural so that she would have a pain-free delivery and sedated her well during the procedure while we delivered a beautifully formed, lifeless little girl.

She was inconsolable for days, refusing all comfort. Then one day someone came and stood beside her bed. “I know how you feel,” she said, “I lost my little baby at birth.”

She managed to speak to that mourning mother like no-one else. She had been there. When she said “I know how you feel” it was true in a sense that none of us could match.

When Jesus humbled Himself and joined the human race He was preparing God to be able to do exactly the same. When He says, “I know how you feel,” we can know that He truly does, because He has been there. The other day I was feeling very misunderstood and wrongly accused. I was having a pity party in my Quiet Time when I thought back to the story of Jesus’ betrayal and mocking. It took me out of myself as I realised that I was experiencing, in a tiny part, what He went through. It meant I could, in a sense, share in His suffering. But not only that — He was sharing what I was going through. That is the beauty of Christmas, where it all started. Apart from His amazing work of atonement, which started with His becoming the second Adam in a remote manger, it has everything to do with healing. He knows how I feel and can walk beside me as an understanding Friend, sticking closer than a brother. What a reason to celebrate Christmas.

Walking in the Dark

Ever felt as though God was not there? Or there, but not responding to your cry for help? I think we all have those times in our life. It is not that we don’t think that He exists, or that we don’t think He loves us, it is just that right now we cannot understand why He is not responding when that seems the loving thing to do.

I was journaling to Him just this morning saying, “Lord, I have heard it said that even if You did nothing more for me for the rest of my life, what You did for me on the Cross should be sufficient to make me praise You all of my days. I understand that sentiment, but it does not altogether wash for me. Of course I am eternally (literally) grateful for the Cross, but what you did through that was to establish a loving relationship. Relationships are on-going. This means continuous involvement in my life. We are in covenant, which means what is mine (my pain, my imperfections, my love and my life) are Yours and what is Yours (Your love, Your righteousness, Your active compassion, Your power) is mine. Surely, then, I can expect You to come through for me when I desperately need You?”

It is in these inexplicable times that I think God is testing my faith in a deep way. It is not that my faith is being questioned as to whether I think He can come through (or course, He is God isn’t He?). It is rather on whether I am able to trust His character when, apparently He is not coming through and I do not understand. In other words, am I willing to have faith in His loving nature, even when it is not evident? I guess this happens in any relationship, and maybe it is a test of the authenticity of it. A husband or wife or friend acts in a way that seems unloving or uncaring and we need to work through it and decide whether or not to continue to believe in that person’s love – in other words, to say that there are things in that action that we do not understand, but in spite of that, we choose to have faith in that person’s character.

This is why I so treasure my relationship with Jesus. It is authentic enough for me to be honest with Him. There are going to be times when we disagree and I do not understand and I feel alone. At times like that (and I describe them in God in the ICU) I can question Him and express my disappointment in Him. Yet where else could I go? Into whose arms could I entrust myself, but His? And I know He is calling me to trust without seeing. When I am in it, I hate it, and it seems the season will never end. However if I look back I have seen that weeping may have endured for a night (and a night can seem awfully long) but joy did come in the morning.

How Will it End?

“Mommy, is Daddy coming home for Christmas?”

“No, Pet.  Maybe next Christmas, but not this one.”

“But why not, Mommy? Everyone says Christmas is family time. Can’t Daddy come home?”

Mommy’s shoulders drooped. I leaned forward from the arm of the chair where I sat, took her face in my chubby six-year-old hands and squeezed her cheeks. Then I saw the tears and didn’t want to question her any more.

I knew the answer, anyway. Daddy was in prison. And he didn’t want to see me. I wasn’t sure what he’d done and I didn’t care. I just knew after they took him away they came and took our house too, and that was why we were in the trailer park; why Mommy was getting thin and I was often hungry and didn’t like the snow at Christmas.

Mom and I had cut a branch off a fir tree. We’d decorated it with coloured paper and cotton wool, but I knew there would be no presents under it. Not this Christmas.

And I was puzzled.  “Mom, everyone sings about how Jesus came to us at Christmas but what difference does it make? Is he real?  Even if Daddy couldn’t come home, Jesus could at least give me a present?”

—————- o——————–

This story could end with the mother looking in despair at her hungry, needy son unable to answer with any hope, since she herself had none.

Or it could, like many true stories, end like this:

Mom looked past me and her eyes had no light. “I don’t know, Pet, but  if we just hang on………………”

A knock on the trailer door scared Mom. She opened it just a crack.

“Good morning. May we come in? We have something to share with you!”

Two nice ladies came and sat on the old sofa.” We are from Angel Tree and we have a letter here from your dad. It’s good news.”

Mom read aloud. “Darling Sarah and Pete. For many weeks I have attended meetings by Prison Fellowship. It’s a long story, but last week I surrendered my life to Jesus. I want you to know I love you and want you to come and visit me. I wish I could tell you in person, Pete what  a big boy you are. Well, I can’t, but know Jesus loves you and I love you and we both want you to have a special Christmas. These kind ladies have brought you a present from both of us, Jesus and me. Have a lovely Christmas and visit soon.”

This time I didn’t mind seeing Mommy cry. Everybody was crying, even me, but from happiness. Christmas was a time of presents and Jesus was real. He changed my dad’s life and, later when the kind people from Angel Tree visited lots more we learned  how He didn’t just come at Christmas, but died for our sins on a Cross. Then He changed our lives too.

Every year there are 1.7 million children with a parent in prison. Angel Tree wants these children and families to experience the true meaning of Christmas, introducing them to the love of Jesus by linking with churches to bring Christmas presents, the gospel message and follow-up where necessary. If you want to know more about how you can get involved in this beautiful ministry, through prayer, donations or hands on, and make a happy ending for a child, please follow the links.